Dealing with emotions

I have a really hard time expressing myself emotionally. Come to think of it, I think all of the Murphy children do. My sister gets piss-ant angry, I fall to pieces, and my brother is a mixture of both. It’s not that I enjoy crying- I hate it- but I never know how to form sentences when I need to, and once my tongue is done with its epileptic seizure, I fall apart. Big time. I hate it. I don’t know if it’s out of frustration, helplessness or just pure sadness, even fear, but I just cry. Lately, more than usual. I feel like I've been stuck in this pit and will never get out.

I don’t get to see my husband as often as I’d like and I’ve always got this little voice inside my head that tells me he’ll get bored and leave. I know he won’t, but I just can’t seem to get anything right lately so I feel more like a liability than an asset.

Death to owl.

I finally got my puppy, Boomer, who, after peeing on my floor multiple times already has passed out on the newly discovered microplush blanket. Josh’s favorite. I really don’t want my dog and my husband competing. I really hope Boomer grows on him- Boomer already loves him. I just can’t handle the looks he gets on his face. He never wanted to get a dog. It shows, and now I feel horrifically guilty for stepping on that. He wanted to be enough for me- and I tell him he is. I just can’t handle being alone so often. I thought I could, but not so close to finally pulling myself out of depression.  So here I sit, in pieces, delighted to have a puppy warming my leg but terrified it will hurt my marriage. Feeling, once again, like a screw up.